That’s right folks. We have reports that the Eagles have already offered Plax a contract for as soon as he gets out of Jail. In fact, before he goes to prison, Michael Vick and him will sit down and construct a playbook for Plax to study.
Andy Reid has a experience in mentoring criminals both inside and outside of the workplace.
Almost all Giants players were excited about the news except Antonio Pierce.
As we begin to wipe the tears following Brett Favre’s latest news conference, we find ourselves asking some important questions. Well, really just one question. Why the hell can’t you stay retired?
Some would like to point to the salary, guaranteed at 12 Million dollars but we here at WAR like to dig deeper. We know that athletes are motivated by more then money. Just look at the biggest contracts, that are awarded to baseball players, and they are the most motivated and hard working athletes of the four major sports leagues.
Here are some of our theories on why Brett Favre has come back for another go:
Wild Cat: With Michael Vick signed to the Eagles, the Vikings liked the idea of having a backup quarterback to run the wildcat.
Why this might be true: None
Why this might be false: He has a prosthetic hip.
His Sponsors: Sure the 12 Million will fit nicely in his gold bullion silo, but he earned 7 million while with the Packers in endorsements one year. But lets ask ourselves, why come back now? That’s simple folks. Prescription Drugs. Now surpassing the over the hill mark, he is allowed (legally by the FDA), to participate in Cialis, Viagra and Natural Male Enhancement ads. With these drugs coming off patent, the pharmaceutical lobbyists turned their attention from capitol hill and focused it on the NFL’s oldest star.
Why this might be true: The NY Daily News, famous for reporting on male endowments, did not come out and say Brett does not have ED last year while with the Jets. In New York News reporting, that basically means there is a mathematical certainty that he can’t get it up like he once used to.
Why this might be false: Wrangler Jeans has Favre locked up in exclusive endorsement deals.
The spelling of his name: For years, Favre has been plagued by the misspelling of his name. He’s not the only professional quarterback (i.e. Jessica Simpson’s Ex (really spelt Tony Romo) Kid Brother (really spelt Eli Manning)).
Why this might be true: None
Why this might not be true: Its fun to pronounce it “Favra”
The Recession: For all we know, Favre had invested with our personal favorite Made-Off. Maybe he invested all of his money in CDOs and took out an ARM for his 4th, 5th, and 6th houses. However unlikely, even the richest of the rich have been hurt by the recession.
Why this might be true: Favre may have trusted his money with Wu-Tang Clan Financial, which used to be something not to fuck with, but collapsed when Lehman went under.
Why this might not be true: Favre can still collect Social Security at his age.
The Interception Record: Favre has 310 career interceptions and although he is the leader for this category, he only recently attained the record. He may be back to ensure he holds onto this record. He faces growing pressure from Tony Romo who is blossoming into an interception throwing texas fold em choke machine.
Why this might be true: Favre wants his last interception to be caught by a Giant (Was the case when Corey Webster ended his Green Bay Career) but that distinction was lost after joining the Jets. The last regular season game for the Vikes is against the G-Men.
Why this may not be true: Not really sure but go Blue.
Commitment Issues: Favres NFLMatch.com profile was really telling when we had an opportunity to review it. Having resorted to an online sports dating site showed how desperate he was to feel wanted. He was even found winking at a few CFL teams. It was somewhat akward since he posted pictures of him while he was much younger, before the grey beard.
Why this might be true: Favre has continued to break up and make up with the NFL repeatedly.
Why this might be false: None
Favre was not the first Professional Athlete to try an Online Sports Dating Website.
“Well I really want the Criss-Cut Fries but the Sweet Potato Fries look good too. Oh wait, what’s the woman over there eating, that looks good too… I should have got what you ordered, that looks good” - Brett Farve on his retirement
Ready to move on, the fans are left with the pain of another season leading up to his potential retirement, unretirement and things of the like. This may be an attempt to double dip in Social Security while he still earns a paycheck. Maybe the Recession got to him like everyone else…
via [ESPN]
August 18th, 2009 by Brian | No Comments »The Eagles have measured Michael Vick’s contract cost against Jersey Sales as well as the more profitable portion of his royalty revenue, the Anti-Vick Clothing Line.
Sure You Didn't Want to Take this Product Down for the Next Couple Months?
What we at WAR are most impressed by is the Journalism Skills of the Local Philly Papers. The full story can apparently be read from pages 102-98.
August 14th, 2009 by Brian | No Comments »
Eli Manning At Training Camp
[Birdman]
WAR’s Favorite Lyrics of the Song?
“Everyday a new whip hommie, So you know I gets my shine on
Flip after we flip hommie, So you know I gets my grind on
Birdman daddy, Pullin up in dat brand new Cadi
Got money, livin lavish, Got bitches, shippin baggage”
Also Eli’s Favorite Part of the Song
August 14th, 2009 by Evan | No Comments »Die BEagles Die,
On the road to victory.
Fight Dogs fight,
Score a touchdown 1, 2, 3.
Hit’em low, hit’em high,
And watch our BEagles die.
Die Beagles Die,
On the road to victory.
B-E-A-G-L-E-S BEAGLES!
Eagles Sign Vick, Show They Hate Dogs Too
Eagle Vs Dog - The best video clips are right here
Giant’s 2009 Opponents:
Eagles x2 – No Heart
Redskins x2 – No Talent
Cowboys x2 – No heterosexuality
Atlanta – Matt Ryan about to enter his sophomore slump
Carolina – No Quarterback
Arizona – Quarterback about to pass away
Oakland – SEE Redskins Comment
San Diego – Nice place to live, Nicer team to have on your schedule
New Orleans – No Defense
Tampa Bay – No Coach
Minnesota – Tarvaris Jackson is their quarterback, right
Denver – On Suicide Watch post-cutler
Kansas City – Building Sand Cassels