One More Time
As we begin to wipe the tears following Brett Favre’s latest news conference, we find ourselves asking some important questions. Well, really just one question. Why the hell can’t you stay retired?
Some would like to point to the salary, guaranteed at 12 Million dollars but we here at WAR like to dig deeper. We know that athletes are motivated by more then money. Just look at the biggest contracts, that are awarded to baseball players, and they are the most motivated and hard working athletes of the four major sports leagues.
Here are some of our theories on why Brett Favre has come back for another go:
Wild Cat: With Michael Vick signed to the Eagles, the Vikings liked the idea of having a backup quarterback to run the wildcat.
Why this might be true: None
Why this might be false: He has a prosthetic hip.
His Sponsors: Sure the 12 Million will fit nicely in his gold bullion silo, but he earned 7 million while with the Packers in endorsements one year. But lets ask ourselves, why come back now? That’s simple folks. Prescription Drugs. Now surpassing the over the hill mark, he is allowed (legally by the FDA), to participate in Cialis, Viagra and Natural Male Enhancement ads. With these drugs coming off patent, the pharmaceutical lobbyists turned their attention from capitol hill and focused it on the NFL’s oldest star.
Why this might be true: The NY Daily News, famous for reporting on male endowments, did not come out and say Brett does not have ED last year while with the Jets. In New York News reporting, that basically means there is a mathematical certainty that he can’t get it up like he once used to.
Why this might be false: Wrangler Jeans has Favre locked up in exclusive endorsement deals.
The spelling of his name: For years, Favre has been plagued by the misspelling of his name. He’s not the only professional quarterback (i.e. Jessica Simpson’s Ex (really spelt Tony Romo) Kid Brother (really spelt Eli Manning)).
Why this might be true: None
Why this might not be true: Its fun to pronounce it “Favra”
The Recession: For all we know, Favre had invested with our personal favorite Made-Off. Maybe he invested all of his money in CDOs and took out an ARM for his 4th, 5th, and 6th houses. However unlikely, even the richest of the rich have been hurt by the recession.
Why this might be true: Favre may have trusted his money with Wu-Tang Clan Financial, which used to be something not to fuck with, but collapsed when Lehman went under.
Why this might not be true: Favre can still collect Social Security at his age.
The Interception Record: Favre has 310 career interceptions and although he is the leader for this category, he only recently attained the record. He may be back to ensure he holds onto this record. He faces growing pressure from Tony Romo who is blossoming into an interception throwing texas fold em choke machine.
Why this might be true: Favre wants his last interception to be caught by a Giant (Was the case when Corey Webster ended his Green Bay Career) but that distinction was lost after joining the Jets. The last regular season game for the Vikes is against the G-Men.
Why this may not be true: Not really sure but go Blue.
Commitment Issues: Favres NFLMatch.com profile was really telling when we had an opportunity to review it. Having resorted to an online sports dating site showed how desperate he was to feel wanted. He was even found winking at a few CFL teams. It was somewhat akward since he posted pictures of him while he was much younger, before the grey beard.
Why this might be true: Favre has continued to break up and make up with the NFL repeatedly.
Why this might be false: None
Favre was not the first Professional Athlete to try an Online Sports Dating Website.
Well there you have it folks. Commitment issues always come back to haunt us in our relationships, who would have thought that professional athletes have the same problems as us. Lets all just cut him a break. Tagged with: Farve • Unretirement
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